Use This Easy Visual to Help Build Rapport

Here’s a shocker that you may have heard from me beforePeople want to help other people that they like!

"Friends :-)" by @BK, Flickr, CC-By-2.0
Do your friends make you feel good? “Friends :-)” by @BK, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

When people like you, they want to help you. They want to spend time with you. They want to do business with you.

So how do you get people to like you? How do you build that rapport? Continue reading “Use This Easy Visual to Help Build Rapport”

10 Things I Learned from “Win Bigly” by Scott Adams

Way back in 2012, my wife and I traveled by Amtrak train to Chicago to visit some friends. Between card games in the bar car and beautiful scenery out the window, I read a book about Negotiation.

I was interested in making more money. I wasn’t sure how to ask or even if I was in the right profession. Continue reading “10 Things I Learned from “Win Bigly” by Scott Adams”

10 Things I Learned from The Uplifter:
Stephen R. Moore from Leadership3p.com
(PRL’s First Podcast!)

Stephen R. Moore sat patiently across from me while I fidgeted with my mobile phone. I didn’t know how my first podcast was going to turn out. I was trying to keep my nerves under control, play it cool, and not waste his time.

Stephen is a leadership and sales coach, helping corporate clients in the car industry get better customer satisfaction and results. His cooperative, Leadership3P, pulls in over $600,000 every year.

His time is valuable, to say the least.

We were already off to a rough start. My plan to

Stephen R. Moore, the Uplifter
The Uplifter was an inspiring first podcast. I am eternally grateful!

meet in a quiet library didn’t work out due to a national holiday (A sincere thank you to all of our nation’s military veterans for your service).

I hadn’t made a backup plan. In my scramble to find a new location, I chose what must have been the loudest coffee shop in miles. Continue reading “10 Things I Learned from The Uplifter: Stephen R. Moore from Leadership3p.com (PRL’s First Podcast!)”

Building Rapport for Fun and Profit

Mirroring behaviour helps build rapport. Image "our bench days" by phlubdr, Flickr, CC-By-2.0
Mirroring behavior helps build rapport. Image “our bench days” by phlubdr, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

We choose help people that we like, people that make us happy.

We like people that are similar to ourselves. People that remind us of our best attributes.

Therefor, if we want to be persuasive, we must be likable.

As humans, we mirror one another’s behavior. We reciprocate emotions and we reciprocate favors.

To be persuasive, you Continue reading “Building Rapport for Fun and Profit”

Keep ’em at Arm’s Length

Imagine the last argument you had. You were convinced of your position. There’s no way the other person was right.

They thought the same about your argument, of course.

I’d be willing to bet at least one of you crossed your arms in front of yourself to block the very ideas being spoken.

Arms are one of our most expressive forms of communication. They’re used to build trust and rapport, as we’ll see. They’re used for defense. They’re used to communicate effectively at work.

Imagine the college professor, using her arms to focus our attention to different parts of her presentation. Lawyers use their arms to emphasize their points. Traffic cops use their arms to direct the flow around them.

We are naturally inclined to watch people’s arms — so much that illusionists and pickpockets take advantage of this to misdirect our attention.

In addition to emphasizing our speech, sudden changes in our arms also communicate our limbic reactions to our surroundings.

Image "Put your hands up in the air" by Thomas Leuthard, Flickr, CC-By-2.0
Image “Put your hands up in the air” by Thomas Leuthard, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

Continue reading “Keep ’em at Arm’s Length”

Those Big Ears Will Give You Confidence

In highschool we had to vote for a student government representative for our homeroom, the room we started and ended each school day. There were two candidates in our homeroom. One candidate was studious and seriously wanted the job — she had plans!

The second candidate was a goof who spent most of his school day talking with people. He was charismatic, but he didn’t have any plans for the school government if he was elected (but let’s be honest, those organizations don’t accomplish much anyways).

Who do you think won?

Everyone is drawn to a charismatic personality. Many of us believe charismatic people are born this way, and their leadership skills are an effortless result of their charisma.

The leader fights for the interests of her group. Photo "IMG_2810_1" by Allie, Flickr, CC-By-2.0
The leader is a member of her group. Photo “IMG_2810_1” by Allie, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

This is the story we tell ourselves. This story keeps us from looking at our own skillset to see where we fall short. But this story is not true.

You, too, can develop charisma and become an effective leader.

Charisma isn’t about being high-energy. It’s not about striking out in bold new directions or making perfect decisions. How can you develop charisma? Continue reading “Those Big Ears Will Give You Confidence”

The Unbelievably Simple way to Improve Participation

Good day PRL readers!

Last week we touched on ways that you can negatively influence an outcome: The Poochie Effect. By immediately presenting a solution to a question, we shut people out of the solution process and remove their intrinsic desire to be valuable.

Lead people to your conclusions with Pacing
Lead people to your conclusions with Pacing. Flicker, US Army, CC-By-2.0

Today I want to talk about pacing. Pacing is when you get early agreement in a conversation, and slowly lead somebody to reach your goal.

Pacing is the opposite of the Poochie Effect, and it’s essential to Persuasion and Social Hypnosis. Continue reading “The Unbelievably Simple way to Improve Participation”

What can Poochie the Dog teach us about Persuasion?

Have you watched The Simpsons cartoon?

In Season 8 of The Simpsons, the Itchy and Scratchy Show decides they need a new character. There’s a meeting of the animators. The boss asks them to come up with a name for the new dog character.

“The rest of you writers start thinking up a name for this funky dog; I dunno, something along the line of say… Poochie, only more proactive,” he says before slamming the door.

“So, Poochie OK with everybody?” is the result of the meeting.

Great episode and this scene shows us how influence from authority can limit our creative thinking.

via GIPHY

If a boss or somebody of higher authority than you presents a solution to a problem, your subconscious will shut down. You’ll see that authoritative idea as the winner. You won’t reach a state of flow.

I call this the Poochie EffectContinue reading “What can Poochie the Dog teach us about Persuasion?”